here, piggy piggy piggy

10:55 AM my phone rings, waking me up from my zombie-like morning session of staring at the computer screen and waiting for something fascinating to happen on Facebook, it's one of my employees "Gili, come quick, the boss had an accident with his bike, it's serious", run out of the house, realise I've got no shirt on, run back in, put a shirt on, back out the door, damn, i forgot the keys, quick before the door shuts, whoop, got the keys, jump on my quad, drive down there, all the while thinking "Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, i hope it's nothing serious". I'm 2 blocks away and i can already see what looks like 200 people standing there, "oh shit", i get closer, i see his red quad being dragged out of the rainstorm drains by for people, but where the fuck is he??? people i know come running at me, everybody pointing, two other guys on bikes cursing and checking the damages done to their bikes in the crash, teenage boys taking pictures on their cellphones, and in the middle of it all, ffwooh, what a relief, my boss, a bit scratched but overall OK, already talking about money :) his quad is a bit mangled, "hop on" i tell him "let's get away from all these curious fuckers and go get the mechanic to come and fix it, get you checked on the way". but then the weirdest thing happens, Vivian (the girl who called me), comes over with a bag and says, "here, there's your fuckin' pig, all his fault" ?!?

I'll try and explain, a while ago someone tried selling Juliano a pig and he didn't want it and ever since I've been a true pain in the ass on a daily basis trying to convince him to buy me that pig, (always wanted one).

so turns out, him being a great man, or me being such a convincing and persistent fucker, he went out this morning and bought me my piglet, and as he was driving it to my house, the pig (in a bag) bit him on the ankle, and as he looked down to see what the fuck was happening, he drove through a street-crossing, smashed 2 other bikes and jumped off the quad right before it somersaulted in the air and landed in the gutter... and all so we can have a roast pig for New Years' Eve.

now, i consider myself, vehemently anti-religious (one day i'll blog about religion and get arrested for inciting a genocide), but some might consider me Jewish, my boss is about as secular as can be, but was born Muslim, and it makes you wonder when a Muslim buys a Jew a pig and almost dies, or a Jew almost kills someone just because he wanted a pig so much, is there a god? and has he really never tasted bacon to know it's all worth it?

originally i was gonna name him Schinken, but now i think Karma might be better

he might look like a harmless little piglet, but he's a killer...